From the Dukes to Porn

Back to reality after a nice break. I even back working out again after a month or so off. It's really amazing how out of shape you can get when you stop your routine even after a week let alone a month.

I watched a lot of freakin' TV tonight. I caught up on a bunch of shows from last week. To round out the evening I watched Nip / Tuck. Now that the show is kicking ass again once it becomes 10pm there is no disturbing me for that hour. No phone calls or anything, everyone is on ignore. Tuesdays episode brought back John Schneider to the small screen. Most of us know him from the popular role of Bo Duke on the Dukes of Hazzard. Well in this episode Bo Duke (cuz that's how I know him) plays a porn director / owner of a porn company called PENETRATE. Classy I know. Kimber was trying to get back in porn to score more cash for meth. Bo walks in the room and starts talking with her about Kimber's best movie called "Plumbers and Dykes". Again another classic name. Needless to say. Great show.

Tuesday was also the beginning of one of my new classes. Now it's going to get interesting. Designing Computer Graphics is the class on Tues, Thur, and Sat. The other course for this month is Networks and Operating Systems. It's going to be awesome.

I've got nothing else so how about a pic of a hot chick? Sounds good.

Someone Heard the Cry

WHEW!! That's really all that needs to be said at this point. Technical and weather issues kept us from going out on the canal last night. We decided it was time to shoot another edition of the Heroin Diaries, and man we ended up with a lot of footage. Not to mention we got really really drunk while filming.

I will be editing the video once I get it in hand. I promise you it's more amusing than the first.

Before I leave for today, I really want to say thank you to the entire Paxton family for letting me come down and spend Thanksgiving with them. The food was incredible. You guys are kick ass.

This is a Cry for Help

If you don't take my word about Nip / Tuck and why it kicks ass...Well just watch the video below. By the way the chick is AnnaLynn McCord.






Sorry...I had to excuse myself. I am back...Damn that broad is just smokin'! I mean the outfit alone is enough, but then she starts talking and well...

Meanwhile back at the Hall of Justice...

We were initially going to go and do some shark fishing, but the weather is just not quite right. I have now been volunteered to go back on the gator infested canal to film for the Paxton's. This means if you don't see a post by Monday morning at the latest call the police. I already warned them that we have eaten to much to all go out in the canoe, but that excuse didn't work.

At least this time they said they wouldn't rock the canoe....AS MUCH! The vibe of fear again has been put in place. To top it off we are going out at night! This is crazy. The longer I wait the more I think I should just haul ass in the middle of the night. Seriously you might think I'm a puss...well your right...especially when it comes to alligators. I mean come on these animals can swim faster than you can even think about, rip your arm off, and then put you in the death roll before you can blink. I think it's pretty f'n normal to be a little freaked out. I think if your not like Sean and Brooks then your f'n crazy. They tell me this will all pay off. I'm not quite sure how, but you only live once. I just don't want it to end violently by a gator. I have been assured by Brooks that if I do get injured by the gator they will hunt it down and kill it. (yea thanks)

Oh yea even freaked out holding that little one.

I told them I was going to school to stay in the nice confines of a studio, not to be out in nature...but nope that didn't work either. You know as great of friends as they are these are the times I really hate them. It could be worse I guess. They did throw a gator in bed with some friends of ours in the middle of the night (the mouth was taped). It's different when the gator is out of its element, but yea still freaked out holding it and that was almost three years ago.

Ok full report when it's over.

The Vibe of Fear

No one does it like the Paxton's, when it comes to freaking you out. As you know I headed to good ol' North Port for the Turkey holiday and well after getting thru the traffic nightmare I arrived on Wednesday.

They decide that we are going to go for a canoe ride in the canal behind their homes. Now if you have never seen a canal in Florida...well the easiest way to put it is.. that's where the alligators are. Before I continue I will tell you I had no idea what Brooks meant by a sunset cruise on the salt water canal. They have caught a few gators in the canal just for fun and of course put them back, but taking a canoe ride on this canal is just a bit freaky. Now you really have to know the guys but they are not afraid to fuck with you even when your out in the canal. The canoe's weight capacity is about 400lbs and with the 3 of us in there I am sure we easily passed that weight, which put us about 4 inches from the canal water. Yea... the vibe of fear was in me, no doubt. I don't know about you but I really do not want to die in an alligator attack! Just F.Y.I. Sean says the good thing about tipping a canoe in a canal is that you don't have very far to swim through gator infested waters to get to dry land.

Great way to start of my Thanksgiving holiday. Well we cruised around on the canoe throughout the canal and they also explained where they could hide the bodies without any trace. So at any rate we are cruising around and they decide to rock the damn canoe, and well that will freak you out! Holy sh*t, that was close enough for me. At least when my jeans got wet it covered up the piss that was running down my leg. Watch the video of the ride...



For the most part I feel pretty safe when venturing out with these guys, but they certainly know how to put the vibe of fear in you. Then of course after you get freaked out in the slightest it just becomes good natured ribbing the rest of the trip.

Hope everyone enjoyed their Turkey day. I know I don't need to eat until..um.. Tuesday.

Finally a Break

Monday we took our last exam for Art History. Seemed to go pretty well. I feel pretty good about it. Today I turned in my last paper for English class. When we come back from Thanksgiving break I will be taking Networking and Operating Systems and Designing Computer Graphics. Now it's going to get good.

Now to the past weekend. We had class on Saturday so Friday just took it easy. I definitely made up for it on Saturday though. Sat down and began playing Hi / Low and well I was getting my ass kicked in that. I ended up downing about 3 beers in like 15 minutes. A nice way to start off the evening. Kind of. Then it was on to beer pong. I did ok with that, but still lost...Several times. Needless to say I got pretty hammered. Sunday sucked. Felt like crap for the early part of the day. Damn it was fun though. Welcome to College!

Also, on Sunday I decided I would head over to the new IKEA here in Orlando. Big mistake. I was better off walking there. The store has only been open a week, but you would have thought they were giving away furniture. And People with their kids. Geez. Parents keep your kids in check. I swear I am sure at the end of the day there is at least 50 kids lost and there parents just left them there. More than likely on purpose. I certainly would have if my kid acted like some of these little bastards. I did end up with a coffee table, and only 30 bucks. Perfect.

So heading down to see my second family the Paxtons for Turkey Day. I think we are even going to venture out and do some shark fishing on Saturday. Hell Yes! The last time I went with them I didn't catch shit. The first time though caught a 4 foot Black Tip shark and it was mighty tasty. I have had to mentally prepare for all the booze that is about to be induced over the next few days. It will certainly make an exciting new episode of the Heroin Diaries.

Get Ready.

We Have All Watched His Head Grow

Yes ladies and gentlemen...it's Friday. The first month of classes are winding down and we will begin two new classes after Thanksgiving. 20 months to go.

I'm sure there will be some more cold ones tonight, but we have our last full English class tomorrow. Yes on a Saturday.

A new episode of the Heroin Diaries is on the way.

I was shocked to hear last night Barry Bonds was indicted. (Sarcasm mode on) Who knew? I heard this morning that he could face up to thirty years in jail. If he spent 30 minutes in jail I would fall over, but seriously if he didn't take steroids then I should be elected president. I cracked up this morning when the news reporter actually said "We have all watched his head grow". Damn that was funny. Bonds did say that if they put an asterisk on his baseball in the Hall of Fame he wouldn't go..I say Good F'ing Riddance.

Did some more drinking last night...Oh what I missed on the college life at 20. Played more Hi-Low and man that game is just great to play to get drunk quick. It was also interesting debating with some of the younger peeps just to see what their point of view is.

Ok here is your shameless hot chick.

The Infamous Bike Ride

First let me say that if your not watching Nip / Tuck you don't know what your missing. The show is kicking ass even though Tuesday night Kimber, (Kelly Carlson) made her first appearance...to bad it's going to get ruined by the writers strike.

On to school...Our first assignment in English Composition was to write a memoir. It was not to be a life story like a typical memoir, it was just something that had happened to us in our life. Now there are plenty of stories that I could share at this point, but I decided I would write about a bike ride I took after moving to Manhattan Beach, CA in 1999. It's worth the read, I promise.

I had only been living in Southern California about a week when I decided I would check out the lay of the land with a nice bike ride. I decided to ride from my new home in Manhattan Beach down to Redondo Beach, which is about four miles. What I didn’t realize was this would be the costliest ride of my life.

Riding along the strand was something I had seen a number of people do, and I thought this would be a great way to take in the sights and get to know the beach area around me. I grabbed my headphones, cranked some tunes, jumped on my bike, and headed out on my way. It was about 6 p.m. on a Wednesday in April. The ride started off like any other, I had Led Zeppelin cranked on the Walkman and I was just cruising along for a few miles. I got to the end of Hermosa Beach and thought it would be nice to continue to Redondo Beach. I didn’t realize this would end up being the costly move.

As I began to ride on to Redondo Beach, I got off of the strand and ended up on the street in the bike lane. Before I knew it, I was at a three way stop light. I stopped at the red light and continued on my ride, even though the light was still red. I was about fifty feet past the light when I heard police sirens. I looked back to see what was happening and realized they were for me. Since I was not from California I didn’t know I’d just broken the law. I thought, what could I have possibly done? It soon became a good cop bad cop situation. As the officers walked up to me from their car they spoke the funniest words I have ever heard “Can you step off the bike please?” I laughed not thinking they were serious, but they were. As I got off of my bike I could see the gym rats at Gold’s Gym across the street thinking they were witnessing an episode of “Cops”. I asked “What did I do?” One officer replied “You just ran a red light.” I had no idea this was against the law on a bicycle. Then the questioning began. Where was I from? Where I was I going? Did I have any drugs or guns? I couldn’t believe what was happening. The officers did not believe that I was just out for a bike ride on the beach, and they certainly did not believe that this long haired dude did not have any drugs or guns. After frisking me, the good cop asked me where I was from and how I liked it in Southern California, meanwhile the bad cop was running all my information to make sure they didn’t just catch a fugitive. He walked back up to my bike and I could see he was writing me a ticket. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I thought I was on an episode of “Punked”. The officer handed me the ticket and sent me on my way. That was the end of that ride. I immediately turned around and went back home. I never did make it to Redondo Beach that day since I was so mad the ride home was a quick one.

About ten days later, it was another sunny Saturday afternoon, and I thought it would be a great idea to venture out on another ride. Again I grabbed my headphones and took off. I decided to do the same route as before since I didn’t get to complete the ride the last time. This time I made sure I followed every sign correctly, and I made it to Redondo Beach. It was the way back, where I ran into trouble.

I was about to get on the bike path again, but as I rode down the street I saw a police car make a u-turn, head straight toward me and block me in the bike path. I immediately started laughing. The officer asked “What is so funny?” I replied “Are you going to give me a ticket?” He answered with a “Yes”. As you can imagine I was in shock. Of all the people bicycling on a Saturday afternoon I was the one getting another ticket. I asked “What did I do this time?” the officer said I was going the wrong way in the bike lane. I was going northbound in the southbound lane to be exact. I explained for a second time that I was new to the city and didn’t know there was another bike lane. He didn’t care and wrote me my second bicycle ticket in less than two weeks. It was another quick ride home. I was mad as hell.

Fast forward, about two months, and I realized that I had not paid the fines. After calling the courthouse I was told that I needed to appear in court since there was a warrant for my arrest on my unpaid bicycle tickets. I freaked out. I had no idea I was a wanted man. After being reassured I would not be arrested if I made it to court in the next few days, I was there the next morning. I have never been more embarrassed in my life. I had to plead my case in front of a full courthouse over a couple bicycle tickets. I said my piece regarding the tickets. I told the court about my situation of just moving to California. I told the judge I was not avoiding paying the tickets. I let him know that I was unemployed and I was doing everything I could to make ends meet. The judge looked at me almost as if he thought I was lying and asked in an uncaring tone if I was finished. I could tell from that voice I was in serious trouble. He let me know that based on my failure to appear in court and the failed attempts to file an extension to pay the fines, that I would pay everything that day in full. The total was $650.00. The Judge slammed the gavel and I walked out of the courtroom with my head hung low. As I went to pay the fine, I told the clerk not to cash the check that day or else the check would bounce higher than a rubber ball. She laughed and told me not to worry it would be a few days.

It was expensive living in Southern California for six years. It was two years before I took another bike ride, but I made sure that after that experience I always followed the laws of bike riding. As one of the officers kindly reminded me, ignorance of the law is not an excuse.

I still am amazed it happened to me, but I at least can look back now and kind of laugh. My teacher loved it. She said, "Incredible story, you won't have to worry about that happening in Central Florida." By the way I have to add... 100% on that paper...Can I get a Hell Yea!?

How About a Game of Hi / Low?

Test is over and it was time to start drinking. Well for my fellow classmates it was anyway. I ended up eating to much food and a few beers and called it a night on Friday. Saturday however was a different story. I met up with friends from school and we decided to go and pick up some beer and have a little shin dig. We started drinking and the one thing about drinking with the youngsters again is they love to play drinking games. Now does that bring back some memories...I was sitting at the table and one of the guys says Bryan...You in for some Hi - Low? I said sure why the hell not. The one about that game is you can slam beers pretty damn fast. I hung in for a few rounds and wow..it's still fun.

Also over the weekend I managed to post up the Heroin Diaries Blooper reel. Check it out here:


Of course you can still click here and go and vote and leave comments. Stay tuned for another episode very soon.

I just finished up watching the Indy / San Diego game and well I can say is I'm in total disbelief that the Colts lost. I can't imagine how you can miss a 29 yard field goal. Any way not that I care but I just wanted to see the Colts win.

Well today I actually have to head to Art History. I don't know if we will get back the results of our test or not. I think I did OK. I also have to finish my English paper. I still can't figure out a conclusion. I have never been able to write an ending to a paper. It is the worst part of writing for me.

Ok I'm off to class.. See what I mean? Just horrible.

Test Today...Memories of KSHE-95

Classes are rolling right along today is our first test in Art History. It should be interesting. It has been so long since I have taken a test. It's always even more nerve wrecking when you only have 2 tests for the month. The mid term and the final.

The other night I was surfing the web and decided to visit the radio station of KSHE-95. This was the station I grew up listening to and help to shape the music I listen to today. KSHE-95 Real Rock Radio is truly legendary. It's 40 years old and I believe is the oldest FM rock station in the country. KSHE has built a Real Rock Museum on the website. It really brought back memories of growing up in St. Louis. I wasn't at the station, I never even visited the station, but just looking through the pictures and watching the old TV commercials really hit home. I also loved seeing all the stations old bumper stickers. Sweet Meat the KSHE hog was in almost all of them. It was hilarious. Always putting him with bands or even what was popular culture at the time. I actually remember having a t-shirt that was Beavis and Butt Meat with the KSHE hog dressed up to look like Butthead from the famous cartoon Beavis and Butthead.

It was awesome. By the way Sweet Meat originally had a joint in his mouth not a cigarette...The pig mascot was basically a direct rip off of the Blodwyn Pig album cover.(Thanks Todd)The other thing about the site was it really showcased how radio USED to be. I stress how it USED to be. Bands coming by and shaking hands doing the interviews and really trying to promote themselves and their music. Everyone thinks that we all go in and do our 4, 5, or 6 hour shift and then head home. NOT the case. There really is more work in to your show and behind the scenes than you might think.

At any rate check out this museum...It really is incredible. I did have to laugh when I saw a friend in a photo and we joked about how was thinner then, but he still had the autographed book. The only complaint I have is that I at times I wondered was this about KSHE or about this DJ named Favazz...Who I happen to think is a prick, but that is another story. Let's just say I wish Zakk Wylde would have beat him senseless. You can even hear that audio on the site.

Classic photos of the U-man, John Ulett, the guy has been with the station forever...probably 37 or 38 years. I'm not sure but he's a lucky dude. It's like my buddy Blade...When you think of WRDU you think of him. Well it's the same thing with U-man and KSHE.

The DMV, School and Playboy...What a Combo

It was an interesting weekend. I hung out with some of the guys from school. Always cool meeting new people when you move to a new city. I hung out with them and had some cold ones discussed our classes and we all pretty much feel the same way. Weird that we all are thinking on the same line even though we are from different backgrounds and ages. We dig English Comp.

I spent the first four hours of my day at the DMV. Man did that suck. It went better than my experience in Raleigh. It was there where they made me take a written drivers test and well I managed to fail the first time. Aced it the second time as you would expect. Here it was a completely different story. Went down to the first location and got the new FLA tags. A pain in the ass as it was the third time I had to go due to having to get titles etc..from Ford. Got the plates today then had to head to a different location and get the actual license. Now that's all done and I'm legal. I hate the DMV as much as the next guy, but when you have moved as much as I have you just kind of get used to sitting there patiently.

Over the weekend I managed to catch an episode of the "Girls Next Door". You know that horrible reality show that follows Hef and his three girlfriends around. This is one of those shows that is so bad you can't turn it off simply because the girls are well...Playboy models. There are many things that are just wrong with this program and the biggest for me is actually seeing Hef tongue kiss these models. Oh man! It's just f**kin wrong. Who wouldn't want to be Hef?

I mean just look at that pic again. This episode took Hef and his THREE girlfriends to Paris. One of them didn't know what a bidet was. She called it a binet. What the hell?? A Binet? Really? Where do you meet girls this stupid? In all of my travels I never met one this stupid. It simply blows my mind. Then they couldn't figure out how to use it. Now that was just plain HI-Larious.

Time to hit the books before class. Stay tuned this week for the first paper written in English Comp. It's a goody. The editing has also began on the blooper reel for "The Heroin Diaries". You can view the first movie here. Enjoy and feel free to leave comments.

Art

I did a little Art History today and I can honestly say I am not sure what to think of this class yet. Got out of class a little early so came home and hit the books. I had homework to do. Man that still sounds crazy.

I managed to catch a marathon of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders TV show. I am not sure who decided to make this a reality show, but they should be thanked. There is nothing better than seeing a bunch of chicks running around in nothing but tiny shorts and tank tops. It's great!! The camera guys have the best job. Every other shot is a closeup of the girls ass or boobs. Have I mentioned this show is GREAT!

The trainer for the cheerleaders he is built like a freakin' tank. He makes these girls do the most ridiculous exercises. I swear no one would ever make this dude bend over and put hands on some thing with wheels and push it around a track. He would kick their ass. That doesn't stop him from making the girls do it though. This is just great TV. Am I shallow? Yep. As the saying goes...I may not know much about art, but I know what I like. I may hate the team, but lets face it their cheerleaders are smokin'...I mean the best.

I also need to pick up the new book from Slash. I knew he could write a song, but didn't know he could write a book. This has to be an easy read. If someone wants to buy it for me Christmas is just around the corner. I do accept gifts early. Just email me for my address. Watch his interview on David Letterman here:

By the way Dave is still the best Late Night host.